We went out together tonight, just you and I. We first stopped at Old Navy. I wrapped you in my jacket as we ran from the car in the snowstorm. It's funny, you insisted on leaving the house in only a t-shirt. After all, we were going to buy you a new sweatshirt. So it makes sense. You were uninterested in shopping in general, flitting about and buying a bouncy ball. You tried on jeans in the fitting room, barely glancing at them. You were much more interested in making elaborate faces in the mirror.
What has gotten into you? You are so entertained by yourself these days.
Something perked you up after we bought some shirts. Barnes and Noble was next door. We hunched down in the weather and hurried over there. If I had any doubt that you were a shopper, it was shattered after ten minutes of being in that store. You could not make up your mind. This series is better than this series because of this.
There was a moment when I just stopped and stared at you. It was when you were looking through a children's book about paper dolls and fashion. Your neck craned down, your new sweatshirt that you are already in love with was zipped up tightly, and you sank into one hip. Your skin was radiant and you had no idea anyone else existed. I couldn't take it.
How am I out with you, a beautiful 7 year old, talking about other first graders and Easter and Diary of a Wimpy Kid and Junie B. Jones? And another part of me is carrying a baby in my belly. A possibility. A miracle. A chance at another amazing configuration. So much perspective I have now!
I am in constant awe. I try to keep my jaw shut, I do, but on nights like this, it gapes open. I look at my oldest daughter in the rear view as I drive up a snowy hill. Your face is so open. You concentrate on your book (Bad Kitty Takes a Bath) and don't say a word. You've been a delight. And we've had an evening together where I'm not working crowd control. I'm focused on you. Sometimes I miss you so badly. In the chaos and the hurried bedtime routine and catching my breath after caring for Lillie, I really miss you. You used to be our only one. How life has changed!
It was nice to be out with you tonight. And Graciegirl, you are fantastic.